So...I've started a new venture as an Examiner at Examiner.com. I am almost afraid to be excited about it, but it certainly beats being consumed with worry on my pending unemployment.
It is a strange thing: I've always wanted to write and always enjoyed the process - it's more been the lack of creative story lines etc. that have kept me from attempting much more than commentary or the odd short story or just random journal-writing. I'm psyched, but it also leaves one feeling pretty vulnerable: to have a little bit of yourself out there all exposed is terrifying.
I'm actually having fun! I don't know how long this will last and I am trying not to look too far ahead but it is a strange feeling to be enjoying what I am doing for once, even if thus far I think I've earned all of $1.97 doing it.
Still hoping for that big lottery win!
Anyway, here is my favorite picture from my article today.
Have you ever had a critical point in your life where you know had you taken another path you might've ended up in a completely different world?
A long time ago, like, in 2001 - I had the opportunity to interview for a comedy writing job at the gaming company Jellyvision, makers of "You Don't Know Jack!". I had written an application letter as though I were doing so from prison - and I wish to God that I still had it today because I think it was actually pretty good. (It got a response at any rate!)
In any case, I had just taken a job as a recruiter when Jellyvision called and offered me the opportunity to interview. In what had to be the biggest mistake of my career, I turned down that interview, thinking it went against the ethics of interiewing for one job when you had just accepted another. Also, in all truth, I think I was a little scared.
I still think there is a certain line that you should not cross in taking a new job. You should not just jump and take "anything". You should have respect for your new company and your new position. You should make your job choices carefully and moves thoughtfully.
That said - the next time someone gives me the opportunity to interview for a dream job, well, let's just say I am, at the very least, planning on showing up - you only get to live this wacky life once (at least I'm pretty sure) !!!
You get up in the morning and get the baby a bottle, dressed, etc. You find a tie for your husband. You squeeze in a shower but cannot manage to get it dried as well. You kiss baby and hubby goodbye, jump in the car, negotiate traffic and are in the office by 8am to start your work day.
Your work day ends around 7pm. You drive home, kiss husband, grab baby, try and shove as much love, attention and nurturing as you can in a 2 hr time slot. Baby goes in the crib, the laptop comes out and guess what? You are working again.
While I cannot say that this is truly living - it wasn't, I can say that working as hard as I did to try and make myself recession-proof ultimately did not provide the payoff I'd hoped. Through no fault of my own, despite the number of hours worked, I found out last week that as of August 7th I am out of a job.
There comes a time when you need to start looking at the way you are living and the prayers you are praying. It's funny - that very morning I was "Hail Mary'ing" my way to what end, I don't know. I was praying for something - some kind of respite. Then to actually have it happen on that day - well, to say the least, I am floored.
I work in HR. I know what it is like out there - each of my days is like reading another list of stories that ended poorly on resumes. I had made it through several rounds of RIF's already at my company, and was counted on to help keep the faith of our staff at large...communicating only a positive message to my hiring managers, etc. Ironically, I am now held to an agreement not to tell anyone that this time it is ME losing the job...and I can keep the job that I have for an additional few weeks in exchange for my silence.
I do have a sense of humor - I do see the irony in this. I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that this occurrence is probably some response to my prayers or lack of movement as well. Seeing Sydney and the thought of actually getting to spend some time emmersed in watching her grow is exciting, as is the prospect of a few weeks off. Heck, maybe I can actually work out or garden?!
But OH THE FEAR!!! I've looked at what is out there, I've started networking, I've already tried to start the creative juices running. I have even looked at maybe doing something different, something I love more with more creativity and freedom involved... it is a fight between my hope and my anxiety on a daily basis.
Today, hope is winning. That said - I never want to put myself in this position again. Work has gotten far too large a portion of my baby's life and taken too much of me away in the past nine months...without even the reward of stable employment. In the end - I had no control over whether or not I kept my job at all. Next time is going to be different.