I have a huge stack of "thank you's" from my daughter's first birthday party that have yet to be mailed, several still to be written, and laundry - clean laundry - seems to be everywhere in my house except in the places it belongs. My house looks like it was hit by a cyclone with a warped sense of humor. I finally got an article published today, but it is the first in a month and it took forcing myself to sit at the dining room table for two hours to get it out.
It is so strange: I don't know if it is just me, but is seems whenever I am successful in one area of my life (ie. my present focus on working out and weight loss) I drop the ball in other areas. I don't know if it is just a lack of discipline or my undiagnosed ADD, but while I am a great cook, have been cutting fresh produce and making great meals, logging my food (except this weekend which I have now declared an almost unabashed wash) and working out, it seems virtually impossible to get all these other things accomplished. I should be writing and publishing, I should be working harder than I am to find a job, I should be, I should be, I should be....
Ack. I am sitting here, writing this, watching my husband industriously folding baby clothes and I just want to sigh: the batch from last week is still sitting half in and half out of the basket at the top of the stairs.
At some point, I think you just have to forgive yourself, and hypothetically I accept that even if my deep-seeded guilt does not. My house is messy but my friends all know I love them; my laundry is wrinkly but my kid knows I adore her and my husband's lunches are getting made. The fish are even being fed. And today? My cousins read my blog and said nice things. Today I'm feeling like maybe I'm enough... well, maybe almost enough. I still think I have a psychological laundry problem. :)
1 year ago